New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
