i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Randomize
