And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
