just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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