Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
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