is your mom at the bar?
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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