My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
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I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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