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That's how twitter works, right?
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
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