just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
