either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Randomize
