u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Randomize
