If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
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