i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Randomize
