New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
