the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Cover your peen. We're going out.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
