If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Randomize
