Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize