This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
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I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
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Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
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