Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
