I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Randomize
