he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
