I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
we should paint friendship bongs
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