Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
