We need to start having sex underwater more often.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
