I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Randomize
