are you still at the devil's house?
Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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