I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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