I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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