I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
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