I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
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is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
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Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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