i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
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