The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
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I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
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I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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