Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
