i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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