I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
