they need to just BURY HIM!
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
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