i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
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