I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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