Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Randomize
