hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Randomize
