cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
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