He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
