If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Randomize
