just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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