After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
