I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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