It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Randomize
