That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
birth control should be required to get into college
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
