omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
