I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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