Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
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