so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
They have beer where we have blood.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
