FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
