you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
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