so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
