yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
