at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
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