So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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