Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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