I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
