I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
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