You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
