I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
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