i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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