omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
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New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
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He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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