my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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