Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Randomize
