I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
