I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
