idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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