i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
