this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
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