I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
