allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Randomize
