i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
