so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
